Ha ha, the squirrels laugh, isn't she pathetic.

Every year when I plant spring bulbs, they chitter jeeringly as they watch me sprinkle cayenne on the crocuses. They roll their eyes as I pour strange concoctions—vats of diluted pepper sauce, mostly—over the flower beds. They practically fall out of the trees, hysterical, as I lower baskets of bulbs into the ground inside elaborate chicken wire cages.

Delicious bulbs you have here, lady, the squirrels say. We like them spicy.

Every fall I say this year will be different. This year I mean it, thanks to my new anti-squirrel artillery: Tommies.

Above: Unlike most crocuses, crocus tommasinianus, aka Tommies, contain a bitter-tasting alkaloid that repels squirrels (pardon me for a moment while I step away from the computer to shake my fist at them). Image by Greenwalks, via Flickr.

Above: A bag of 50 bulbs of Crocus Tommasinianus is $7.95 from White Flower Farm. It's an early bloomer that naturalizes easily. image by NY Botanical Garden, via Flickr.

Above: Other types of squirrel-resistant Crocus Tommasinianus also are available from White Flower Farm, at prices ranging from $7.95 for 50 to $22.95 for 12 bulbs, depending on the cultivar. Image by Alec, via Flickr.

(N.B.: Wondering how else to intimidate the squirrels with your competence as you prepare the spring garden? See "World's Best Bulb Planters.")